Kissing Cousins...

Ok, so I haven't kissed her.

In fact, I am struggling with the fact that I want to. I know that really, we aren't even related in a blood way, it more like a passing nod kind of way. We had coffee on Monday, and it was nice. I was a wreck inside, but I don't think she was even apprehensive.

The conversation was a continuation of our date. Work, life, and other such mundane topics. Then I blurted it out before I even knew what I was saying... I asked her if it bothered her at all that her great grandmother and my grandmother were sisters? the answer she gave was a relief, yet it also generated more questions. As a man, I realize that I am supposed to be confident and secure. These are things that women look for above almost anything in someone they want to date.. so, all my insecure questions went unasked as she told me that she was fine with our distant relation.

I wanted to ask her all the questions that mattered after that, and I think she could tell. She didn't show it outwardly, but I could see the smile in her eyes. This brought up another thought as it made her far more appealing to me.... My mother. now Brenda is smart, and sexy and is one of the only girls I have dated in a while that can converse with me on a level that keeps me intrigued, but she was definitely pushing some of my buttons. A couple, I would think its just attraction, but as many as she got to, she obviously talks to my mother!

So, as nervous and bewildered by this as I am, Brenda and I will be going out again this weekend.

Before that,  I think I will have a little talk with my mother!

Life as we know it...

Wow what a week... well its been about 12 days, but still busy busy busy.

Lets see, I finally sold this thing I like to call, " "My second worst investment ever". This house is the worst. Don't get me wrong, its a great place and I have done a lot to it, but its more suited to a large family. There is just to much for just me and my son to keep up on. I bought a condo that is just perfect for us. 3 bedrooms, with his being very secluded in the back, he loves it.

Work. I was on-call for most of this time. Most of the companies I have worked for have been professional, entity owned companies. What I mean by that is, 1 network to work on for 1 company. When I did on-call for them, it was a pain, but at least I knew the environment and did not question my knowledge or skills. Two years ago, I took a job with a hosting data center company. Many many networks.... On-call for them is crazy, and I don't know a 100th of the environments I am working on. It gets crazy. With the "follow the sun" model, I especially enjoy the 2 in the morning calls where communication consists of someone on the other end of the phone speaking 15 miles an hour, and me saying "can you repeat that?" 100 times!

Then there is tax season! Does anyone like this time of year? In the US, it is actually unconstitutional to pay taxes.... However, the IRS finds a nice little way around this by telling you that if you don't, we will take you to court and make you pay everything you owe to us, with a chance of loosing the case and being double screwed! Normally I wouldn't mind the screw... I mean lets face it, it has been awhile, but monetary screwing is not fun and puts my son at risk... so I pay. The exciting news is, that I usually don't put to much thought into my W2 deductions, so I always end up getting something back. However, the procedure of paying to waste my time and energy figuring this crap out to then petition the government to give me back money that they owe me.... EXHAUSTING! I also got a notice that I didn't file in 2009, I didn't, so I get to do it two times this year... YAY!

I haven't seen Brenda since our date and my mothers big revelation. However, her and I are supposed to have coffee tonight after work, so I will save all the inner turmoil for tomorrows post.

Being this busy is very nice. I didn't even realize how much time had actually gone by.

Advise from grownups!

Why would I think it was a good idea to drink 12 beers the night before I went to work...? or ever really. Looking like I am 28-ish is ok, acting like it... not so ok! Its like my thought process just shut down last night.

The only good thing about the situation is that I know I didn't wake up in some strange chicks bed, or have one in mine!

The meddling of my Mother

I tell my mother about 99.999% of the things that happen in my life, even if she doesn't want to hear them! So really, I should expect her to interfere sometimes shouldn't I? In saying that, I should actually be prepared when it happens and just roll with it! However, she still has a way of catching me off. So begins the tale of my February 15th!

Occasionally my mother will feel the need to set me up on a date. I don't fight it. It simply will do no good as if I do, I will spend the next year getting little disappointed hints about it. I understand why she does it, I am a 37 year old man raising a son by myself. Its not her or even my fault that my marriage ended due to infidelity on my x wife's part. That's right, you read that correctly. I do not have many deal breaking "peeves" I will call them, but cheating is one. I have cheated on girlfriends in the past, but then I graduated high school and went into the real world.

I digress, this is not the time for my opinions on life, but instead the amazing story of how my 65 year old mother, can still shock me.

Around Christmas time last year my mother started dropping hints. To me, hints are about guilt, so unless I have done something wrong, I ignore them. I have told her several times that if she wants something from me, just ask! That's how guys work. After New Years, she finally did. She told me all about this very attractive red head that she knew. Her name is Brenda (not really). Brenda is 34, 5 foot and 10 freaking inches tall! LOVE IT! I am 6'3" and am attracted to tall women. It not like its my thing, and I only date tall women, I just like to when I can.

Also, I should take a second to explain that I don't really date a lot myself. Its hard to with a 15 year old son. I do not want him to think women are anything but people, capable of being his equal in every way. Needless to say, he has not met 1 woman that I have dated.

Brenda was married once, but has no children. She is a technical project manager for a airline. She owns her house, has a dog, and a college education from Ohio State. If I was keeping score, which I was, she was so far an 8.5, (I deducted half a point for Ohio State, and  no one whom you have not met is a 10). I fake-grudgingly told my mother I would give her a call.
For one reason or another, though we spoke and emailed, we did not get to set anything up until this week. Not wanting to set any expectations, and being a little adverse to V day, on Sunday, I planned and made reservations for the 15th. My plan was to take her to this dinner and a movie place. They have very good food, and you can drink, eat, and even converse since the movie is not a current one. I ran through all my normal predate things.
Flowers, not roses - check
Outfit to dry cleaners - check
Haircut - check
Shave, so I have the rugged scruff - check
clean truck because its still a bit cold for a passenger on my bike - check
I had agreed that I would pick her up at 6:30, as our tickets were for 7:15. It would give us a little time to adjust to actually seeing each other, and make polite conversation. Things I always avoid on dates are conversation about politics and religion, the given, but also past relationships and family. I would rather not sit through an awkward moment while she details how she lost her true love, or experienced a death in her family. Anyway, on to date night.

The 15th finally arrived. I was so excited I could not even concentrate at work. Not that my job takes much unless there is an emergency, I am a network engineer. I will skip over the date details, but I will say that I had a great time, I will tell you about Brenda.
Brenda is not only beautiful, but she is witty, intelligent, a little bit of a geek, and she is tall. Did I mention she was tall? She loved to laugh, and doesn't mind making fun of herself, or the person she is with. She had curves in the right places, and was neither a stick, nor over weight. Her hair was very long and I think there was a bit of a curl that she tried to get rid of. She dressed as casually as I did, and did not look uncomfortable in what she was wearing. She also some how conveyed that she would be comfortable in jeans and a tshirt, digging in the dirt, or wearing a cocktail dress drinking wine. She ordered a local beer, and ate a steak!
By the time the date was over, I was convinced that she was a 9.5, (still not giving her the Ohio State deal). I dropped her off at her house and walked her to her door. I left with giving her a small kiss on the cheek and a wave as I drove off.

Why am I not beating down her door today you ask? Well, that is because of a conversation I had with my mother as I drove home....

You see, Brenda, is my cousin!

WTF mom! We are not from Arkansas. Though, Brenda is a second cousin, I am still a bit confused on what to think. I am not sure she is ware of the connection, as her mother could have done the same thing mine did... I should have known. At this point, I am still to shell shocked to talk to her, but I feel I need to find out if she knows, and if not at least tell her! Is it weird that I still want to see her?

Sorting through this one is going to make my damn therapist rich!

The Nice Guy Theory cont...

I just wanted to shoot this out real fast. This penn diagram is probably the most accurate thing I have ever seen in my life. I disagree with ugly part as I have known tons of nice smart girls that were not only appealing, but super attractive as well.

[IMG]http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb303/Vashjt/girlparadox.jpg[/IMG]

Isn't that just the truth revealed?!?

Saint Valentines Day...

I let you that yes, this is just going to be another diatribe about Valentines day.

It seems that in today's lovey-dovey world, people stand on 1 of 2 sides about V-Day. You of course have the romantics, who wish everyday was V-Day and can not wait until they can express their love to that other person. Then the haters, which are starting to out number the romantics. However, I think the most of the haters are just like any trend followers today....

I will admit, I hate Valentines day. Though, just like Christmas, I hate it for what it was represented as in the first place. Just like Christmas, Valentines day has another story. A story that the church twisted to its own end...

In the times of Rome, Emperor Claudius the first, Thought that if he could inspire the young soldiers of the Legion to think of only Rome, he would be able to continue the growth of the Empire, and thus seal his name in history. So, he forbid marriage until the age of 25. He thought that this would ensure that the young men would think only of Rome.
As with any story like this, along comes a man opposed to this view. This man was a priest of the the Catholic church. You can google his name if you want to, I always forget as he was later renamed Saint Valentine. This priest thought it a crime against god what Claudius was doing, so in secret, he would marry anyone that came to him. His one stipulation was that they convert to Catholicism.

Let pause for a break here... now MOST of the histories today glass over that little stipulation. See, the Catholic church in those days was in it infancy and needed more people to spread the word. It comes down to butts in the seats. More people meant more money, more money meant more influence, more influence meant more power, more power... you get the point. Here we have this priest that is doing "favors" for the down trodden, and all he asks in return is that you abandon your upbringing and belief system right before you go off to die, so that you can be saved and your wife that will receive nothing from the state, because according to the state, she isn't your wife! Now, back to the story.

As these type of things do, word got out to the wrong people and the priest was arrested for crimes against the Empire. Eventually he was sentenced to 3 death sentences. You have to admire the Roman legal system here... They would take someone who was sentenced to more than 1 death sentence, and put him to death again, even if he was already dead. Seems morbid, but contrary to the Hollywood belief, Rome was a very safe and harmonious place.
Anyway, during this time, hocuspucus ensues. The judge who sat on the case had a blind daughter. After he sentenced the priest, he spoke to him about his daughter and how he had prayed to everyone about her. Blah Blah Blah, she was brought before the priest and BAM, he healed her... of course the judge and the daughter both became Catholics. Then sentence was still carried out.
Later, the Catholic church, again needed some people/money/power, so they tweaked this history a little and V Day was born.

Once all is said and done, V-Day is a commercialized holiday, but it really bothers me when people take umbrage over something when they have no idea why.... I would rather see the blissful lover than the bitter hipster. Though, people don't like history, it reminds us of what ugliness we are capable of... though that is a whole different post!

Women...?

Do people even know what love is anymore?

Life is so awesome most of the time. I am constantly amazed at the sheer enormity of the world. We go from these little helpless babies, to these adolescent know-it-alls, to the indestructible 20 somethings, to the rational conservatives, then back to the helpless people we came into the world as.

When I turned 30, I never thought much about it. I have a baby face and still to this day get carded everywhere, and I mean everywhere, I go. However, something happens at 35. I think I finally started realizing that I am not a young, or even a mid 30 year old. It was almost like I changed over night, though again, I didn't give it any thought as to why. One day I was at a bar until 4 am and up at 6 still drunk but ready to do what needed to be done, the next I was regretting that I stayed until 2 and had to get up at 10. Its not like I am some bar rat or even a big party animal, but I did go out to bars and stuff. Amusingly enough, I never changed any of the normal day to day/night to night things I did. Even when my marriage ended, I never did anything differently.

At 37, the only break in my nightly routine, is when I am dating someone. Even that has limitations though. Most girls around my age that are even worth dating, want to rush rush rush. However, thats just not who I am. I am always up front about it, and never lead people on. I do make mistakes, as I am not perfect, but for the most part, I try to be a nice guy and keep my shit together. I go very far out of my way to avoid big drama, and will tell anyone what I am thinking or feeling straight. Every once in a while however, no matter what precautions I try to take, I get fooled.

Norma is a 5'2", half Japanese, half Caucasian stimulating woman. She work in the same field as I do, Information Technology, and so I know she has it together. I met her at work, though she left employment with my company and went to another soon after we first started getting to know each other. Though she knew a lot of people in my company, and some who could make it a real pain to work there if they wanted, she seemed level headed and much to intelligent for anything malicious. I should have known things were weird with her when she gave me the "I am an independent woman" speech.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with saying that, but my Uncle once told me, when someone goes out of there way to tell you something about themselves, you should probably be wary of it. That is exactly what Norma did. From the heights of mount Kilimanjaro, she roared it out to me. My warning bells must have been dulled by the alcohol though as I stayed on that roller coaster for 4 months. From the first date, I try to let people know that my availability is challenging. I have a teenage son, whom needs a damn roll model for a father, not a damn hippster. Norma just did not get it. After 4 short months of dating, Norma broke the golden rule... she told me she loved me and needed me in her life.

In the end, I had to break it off with her. Though I did have some great times with her, and she is a great person, it seemed that her proclamation of independence did not stretch to me. I am not anti love, or even against commitment, but after so short a time, I can not begin to describe how scary love is....

Which brings me to this blog of today. This relationship ended before Christmas, so why the blog now? Because after a couple months of begging her to just let me swing by to grab a couple things I left at her house, my favorite jacket and a pair of running shoes, she did something that was so classless that I have no idea how to respond. She put them in a box, I am not sure she didn't soak them in her toilet first, wrote all over the box about what kind of person she thought I was, and sent the box to my place of employment with no return address...!

REALLY?

Luckily, the person that received the package, is a friend of mine and she quickly let me know. I guess in the end, Norma showed me how truly independent she is.

2012 and the sensitive man.

Isn't that just a laugh? I sometime wonder where men went wrong. In the early 1900's, if you even thought of treating a woman like crap, there would be 3 guys lined up to "teach you some manners". Not to mention the fact that women did not find the cold, rude, and callous man attractive.

So, where/when did we go from there, to if I happen to show a little emotional vulnerability, I am weak and undesirable?

I understand that women look for the good looking guy that has the confidence of Han Solo that can handle his self personally and professionally, but is there no room in there for the sensitive guy as well? My dad is from the old school. Construction work his whole life, was part of a biker gang, very blue collar. I have seen him cry 3 times in his life and they were huge things.
1. When my mom threatened to leave him.
2. When I was 8 and he got a little drunk and hit me when I surprised him.
3. When I got back from Iraq.

Its hard to tell anymore what or when a man is expected to be vulnerable? Even when the woman starts it, I am expected to keep my cool rather than express how I really feel. In most cases I am ok with that, I mean after 3 dates when a girl tells me that she loves me and breaks down when I look at her funny, its pretty clear that I need to get out of there. Whats the go forward point though? 5 dates, 15 dates, 30, or is it in years? Is it ok for my dad to break down in front of my mother after 40 years of marriage?

My mother isn't the normal woman though... I have only seen her cry once to my dads 3 times. So how in the world did they end up raising a son with tons of confidence that cries every time during the movie Armageddon?

And why is that not ok?

Princess Leia: Han, I love you.
Han Solo: I know.